Catch-22, Chapter 18

Catch-22

So as of now, the Pathos blog has passed 10,000 hits!  Thanks so much, guys! :D

In probably the space of two or three more chapters, we will be at the finale of our story.  Who ends up with who, what happens where, and will anybody manage to live happily ever after?  It’s just about time to find out.  We look forward to finally getting there with you.

The fairy tale Linali mentions in this chapter is a reference to Old Stories, an earlier fic by my co-author Hinaku.  While not precisely part of Catch-22 continuity, you might enjoy reading it nonetheless :)

Ch. 18. Contract

The next few days passed surprisingly peacefully. For some reason unbeknownst to anyone except for a very smug Jerry and a rather pleased, sober Reever, Cross remained confined to his room. Maria could occasionally be seen doing his errands. A new project folder found its way to Reever’s ‘approved’ pile that was clearly labeled ‘Komurin III’. (Komui had needed something to occupy him during the long, boring days, and Reever was conveniently handy to dictate blueprints and specifications to, if not exactly willing. The first draft was mournfully lopsided, as Reever could only be flattered/blackmailed/guilt-tripped into adding one potato launcher; he had said no to rockets altogether. It was extremely depressing.) Komui continued to recover at an encouraging rate. All in all, things weren’t bad, considering.

Then, of course, came the day Johnny walked into the cafeteria while Komui and Reever were visiting Jerry and offhandedly commented that he had heard strange sounds coming from Linali’s room.

“Like a man’s voice,” he elaborated. “Um. Anyway, has anyone seen Allen? I have his new uniform. He ruined his again.”

Johnny, very suddenly, had all of Komui’s attention.

“A man’s voice!?  When was this?  Was it just now?”  He leaned forward into Johnny’s space a little from where he was standing, eyes narrowing shrewdly.  “Definitely a man?  Not a boy?  Not Allen?”

“Um… I guess?” Johnny stammered, eyes wide behind his glasses. “Um, well. It was kind of soft, so it was hard to tell, but it was definitely a guy? Just now? As I walked by her room coming down here? Do you think it was Allen…? ‘Cause I seriously have to give this to him–”

“Other Supervisor Reever!“  A split second later Komui thrust an arm out dramatically to point toward the kitchen’s front door, all previous conversation forgotten.  “To Linali’s room!! We can’t let the culprit escape!”  He pushed up his glasses wearing a very serious expression.  Which a second later metamorphosed into a slightly sheepish grin.

“…But, uh, I don’t think I can run there.”

“…”

There was a lengthy, completely unimpressed silence from Reever’s end before he sighed and unfolded Komui’s wheelchair, feeling a bit more like an abused sidekick than a boyfriend.

“Come on then, Komui. I’m not going to run there wheeling you like a maniac either, but if you ask nicely I might be convinced to speed walk.”

“Um… that works.  With all due haste!!!“  Komui plopped down in the wheelchair and thrust out his pointing finger again, looking rather like an absurd parody of a Roman general on his chariot.  “See you later, Jerry!”

With a soft, fond sigh, Reever wheeled Komui to the elevator and they headed up to Linali’s hallway in a reasonably timely fashion. Twenty minutes, give or take. Just as they were turning the corner, though, the door to Linali’s room opened and a lone, cloaked figure stepped out. He was tall and a little withdrawn-looking, a bit breathless, blushing. He was–

“ALEISTER CROWLEY!?”

Komui sprung out of his seat looking like he didn’t know whether to be scandalized, deliver righteous big brother wrath, or just be very, very surprised.  After a second he appeared to settle on his default mode: righteous big brother wrath.

“Hold it right there!! Are you the one who has designs on my Linali~!?”

Crowley all at once turned and stared at them like a deer caught in headlights.

“I– I– I–” he stammered, clutching his hands very, very close to his chest. He might have gone pale, but it was hard to tell with Crowley. “K-K-Komui, Sir! I– I was just–” Then he sniffed tearfully once and fell to his knees, holding his hands over his head.

“I am so sorry! I wanted to tell you but Linali said she would tell you when she was ready and– and– I d-d-did not want to go against her wishes and– and–”

Reever suddenly felt a little bit like he was watching theater.

“Don’t strain anything, Supervisor,” he half-yawned out, fairly certain Komui wasn’t listening. It was okay. He had a dart gun in his pocket in case Crowley’s life became actually in danger.

Komui appeared to give the young Exorcist’s response serious thought for a moment, frowning as he tapped a finger against the side of his face, though he still looked extremely disgruntled.

“All right, Crowley, stand up!” he barked and watched as the younger  man was startled into complying.  “Feet together!  Back straight!  Eyes ahead!”

Wearing an expression somewhere between a very ill-tempered scowl and the poutiest of pouts, Komui (gingerly) crossed his arms over his chest and began to circle Crowley, shoes clicking crisply on the stone floor, surveying the young man with a narrowed and scrutinizing gaze.  He walked two or three circuits before stopping directly in front of Crowley’s face, raising his eyebrows.

“So you didn’t come to me because Linali asked you not to, correct?” he asked testily, eyes still narrowed.

Crowley jumped a little as Komui addressed him again and tearfully nodded, wiping his nose with the back of one gloved hand.

“B-b-b… but… she only did not t-tell you because sh-she w-wanted you to f-f-f-focus on getting better s-so it… it is not her fault.”

“That’s not what I asked,” Komui replied crisply.  “How long have you been seeing her?  Are you being a proper gentleman with her?  Do you intend to help look after her and support her?  Are you in this for the long term?  Are there any other girls?”  It was Crowley so he doubted it, but it had to be asked.

“Seeing her–  I-I, um, a… few months? It’s… it is hard to um, count because I… the missions, and everything, um. I… I guess… I open doors for her and– and– I… I do things like that and… I t-t-try to s-support her and l-look after her anyway, b-because we are friends and… she takes good care of m-me and…” Crowley paused to gasp for air. “I– I would l-l-like to s-stay with– I mean have, I m-mean, I, um. I d-do not really know if she… she wants to be… stuck… with me… and… maybe I-I w-will m-m-mess up, b-but, I… I…” Then Komui’s last question finally sank in and Crowley turned a dark shade of pink, eyes widening.

“I would never betray her trust! And, besides t-t-that… n-no one… really…” Crowley’s face fell and he looked down, positively distraught. “A-after… E-E-Eliade–”

And then he burst into tears.

Reever awkwardly rubbed the back of his neck from a distance. At this rate, Crowley was going to save Komui the trouble and die all on his own.

Komui’s scowl morphed into a rather bemused grimace, as though he wasn’t ready to be done being righteously furious yet but couldn’t quite find it in him to keep the attitude up.  He stuck a hand in his pocket and rummaged around for a moment to produce a pair of items: a hanky and his Komui Special portable shrink ray.  (It had been developed in a fit of boredom years ago, and lying around his room collecting dust since then.  He’d been carrying it on his person in hopes of just such an occasion.)

He leveled the little gun at Crowley’s head and waited for the young man’s crying to subside a little before he spoke again.

“Crowley.”  He flipped the on switch, listened to the wobbly hum of the shrink ray as it booted up.  Scowled again and raised an eyebrow at the Exorcist.

“Do you love her?”

There was a moment where Crowley could only stare at the strange-looking device in Komui’s hand with petrification before he nodded once, then many times quickly in succession. Enough to make himself dizzy, actually, and he staggered a little when he finally stopped. He mopped away his tears with the back of his sleeve.

“O-of course I do,” he sniffed. “S-she’s like an angel. I’d… I’d do anything for her.” He glanced downward again at that, twiddled his index fingers together.

“…I’d even let you shoot me.”

Komui stood there with the shrink ray pointed at Crowley’s head for a long moment, expression still scowling but speculative, one eyebrow raised.

Then finally he sighed and lowered his arm, flipping the switch off.

“Pass.”  His other hand thrust the handkerchief roughly in Crowley’s face as he returned to looking merely disgruntled.

“Don’t ever make her cry or I’ll hunt you down and let Komurin III use you for target practice.”  With its… potato gun.  He was going to have to do something about that when he could write properly again.  “Welcome to the Li family,” Komui added, very grudgingly.

He shoved the shrink ray in his pocket again and flounced back over to plop down in the wheelchair with a pout and a huff, which was half pique and half fatigue.  His wrists hurt now.

Crowley didn’t react at first and simply gaped after Komui, the handkerchief falling from his hand. Pass? Just like that? Oh, but if she ever cried a giant robot was going to shoot him to pieces. That was a little distressing. She did cry sometimes when he was was around and it might have been something he did, but she would never admit it and he would try to console her but– oh, Crowley just didn’t understand girls. Maybe there was no choice but resigning himself to his inevitable fate of death by giant robot.

Then the door behind him opened and knocked him off his feet.

Linali, dripping wet and wrapped in just a towel, was peering out at all of them curiously.

“Crowley, is that you? Did something happen?” she asked as she glanced out of the hall in puzzlement. “…ge ge?”

“LINALI!  You’re not decent! In front of this — uh–”  Komui glanced toward Crowley with another uneasy scowl.  “…okay, I said you pass but that doesn’t mean I want you ogling my cute baby sister, you understand?…  At least not while I’m around,” he groaned, resting his face in his hand as he shook his head, not even wanting to contemplate the thought.

“And– and–  Linaliiiiiii, why didn’t you just tell meeeeee?”  He glanced up again to pout at her rather outrageously, but there was a hint of real hurt in his expression.

“Ge ge, this towel covers more than my Exorcist uniform does,” Linali was quick to point out, trying to look stern even though it was hard for her to hold back her smile to see Crowley had survived confronting Komui all on his own. “Which you designed for me, by the way. And I didn’t tell you because I was afraid you were going to scare him off. Look, you’ve made him cry.” Linali sighed and held out her hand to help Crowley up, but he hesitated, looking very skeptical about touching her right then.

Komui’s pout turned more the shade of an unhappy frown as he looked Linali in the face, ignoring her boyfriend for the moment.

“I’m not going to deny you something that makes you happy, you know.”  He glanced toward Crowley.  “I wouldn’t really have shrunk you.”  …Probably.

“At least you didn’t bring any rocket launchers or large drills,” Linali sighed, impatiently reaching down to grab Crowley by the arm. Once he was back on his feet, she gave him a little nudge toward the other side of the hall.

“Go on, Aleister, get going. You’re too skinny to be skipping meals,” she scolded. He hesitated for a moment, glanced at Komui, then bowed extremely awkwardly before scampering off. Once he was gone, she turned back to Komui and Reever.

“Now did you come up for anything other than to stake out my room, ge ge?” she pouted, casting him her puppy-dog eyes. “I was going to go see you as soon as I finished showering.”

“Really?”  Komui perked up a little, and just as quickly a slightly sheepish smile spread over his face.  “It, uh, wasn’t staking out so much as a mad dash up here…”  He let tired hands fall back limply into his lap and glanced over his shoulder at Reever.  “Thank you, by the way.  Now I don’t have to build surveillance equipment!”

“…I’m going to pretend I didn’t hear that, Komui. I know that’s not legal,” Reever sighed, though fondly. “It’s okay, Linali. We just got here. Johnny said there were suspicious sounds coming from your room and Komui wanted to make sure you weren’t in danger.”

“Oh,” Linali smiled, shrugging a little helplessly. “Well, I guess that’s that, then. Ge ge knows about Crowley. Now I’ll have to think up something else for you to look forward to finding out about. Nothing could be as exciting as my secret boyfriend, I guess, but…” She walked over, leaned down, and kissed Komui on the cheek. “Thanks for being the best, as always, ge ge. I feel safe having you to screen my boyfriends.”

Komui blinked at her for a second, looking slightly stunned, and then after a moment his lips curled into an impossibly fond smile.

“Anything for you, Li Li.”

Linali blushed a little and smiled positively radiantly at that.

“I’ll have to focus on getting better very, very soon so that I can defend myself again and you won’t have to work so hard.”

“You’re such a good sister, Linali,” a low, somewhat amused voice called out from around the corner. It was then that Cross Marian slipped out of the shadows, coming up right behind Linali. He rested his hands on her shoulders and smiled down at her.

“Oh! General Cross!” she greeted with a bright smile, then blushed. “I’m sorry, I’m not even dressed and–”

“Oh, no, it’s quite alright,” Cross reassured, bringing one hand up to stroke her cheek. “Beauty such as yours should never feel compelled to cover itself up. You’re fine. I’m honored.” Linali turned a deeper shade of red, glancing away.

Komui, meanwhile, had gone utterly rigid.

“Yes, it should,” he gritted out.  He couldn’t quite help his reaction to zhu r–  to Cross standing there, looking at his sister dressed in only a towel, caressing her…

“Linali, please go put on some clothes,” he said in a tone that left no room for argument.  Hopefully she’d attribute his change in mood to his usual possessiveness and nothing else.

“O-of course, ge ge!” Linali nodded quickly, quite flustered. She excused herself back into her room to get dressed.

Cross watched her go, the amused smile on his lips turning into something much darker.

“She’s so innocent, so unassuming. So carefree. She doesn’t know a thing, doesn’t know any better,” Cross mused with a soft laugh. “And you can’t do a thing to protect her without changing that, can you, Komui? Don’t you hate that? Wish it wasn’t so?”

There was hardly even any need to answer the questions.  As always, zhu ren had him pegged.  Knew him inside and out, like no one else did.  Not Linali, no matter how he loved her — she didn’t, couldn’t know everything — not even Reever.  Only zhu ren had seen down to the very deepest, darkest cracks and crevices of his soul.  And then delighted in prying them wide open one after the other.

This one alone, Cross had never touched.  The object of their bargain so long ago.  He’d played with it a little bit, certainly, but he’d never really…

A prickle of fear trailed down Komui’s spine.

“…It is how it is,” he murmured, half-lidded gaze staring at Linali’s closed door.

“You’ve finally learned,” Cross commented with some measure of delight. “I think you ought to be rewarded, Little Bird.” Then Cross turned his gaze on Reever, who had been standing behind Komui in livid silence the whole while. “And you must be punished, because don’t think I don’t know.” Grinning rather smugly, Cross whispered a soft order to Maria, eyes never leaving Reever’s. He wanted to see the look in the other’s man’s face when the love of his life disappeared beyond his reach yet again. As the last word left Cross’s lips, a bright light flashed between them and when it was gone, so too were Cross and Komui.

Reever made it as far as around the corner. He didn’t want Linali to come back out and see him cry.

- – -

When he could see again, Komui was lying in Cross Marian’s bed.

He stared up at the other man a little horrifiedly, not sure whether or not to be afraid.  He’d been…  he’d been…bad, he knew.  Done things that… would make zhu ren very unhappy.

He couldn’t… just obey again.  Could he?  But– Reever had…

“Don’t worry tonight, Little Bird,” Cross all but purred, settling himself over Komui. “I’m proud of you. Tonight, I will love you, hold you, cherish you. Tonight you may pretend we did everything right, from the beginning. You may pretend I am different from myself. Because now you know, it is how it is.” He kissed the side of Komui’s neck, his throat, the junction of his collarbones.

“…punishing you can wait until tomorrow.”

And then Komui shivered, down his whole body.

He tilted his head back a little, baring his neck more for the other man, without really thinking about it.  His arms still hurt, lay uselessly each to one side.

Komui stared up at Cross’s face, at his single intense eye, the mask.  His lips.  The fiery hair tickling his neck and his chest and his chin.

It was how it was.

“…zh… zhu ren?” he murmured, looking the man in the face through a curtain of mussed dark bangs.

“Mm…?” Cross paused what he was doing to meet Komui’s gaze, brushing the back of his hand against the side of the other’s face.

“May I…”

Komui lost his nerve abruptly, gaze drifting downward.  Thoughts of resistance, of trying to fight against their usual routine were quickly being swept away by zhu ren’s proximity — his touch, his guidance…

“…call you by your name, tonight?” he requested quietly.

There was a pause on Cross’s part. He stayed there a minute in silence, simply watching Komui, looking into his dark eyes. Considering. Then he smiled and for once there was nothing sinister about it. He leaned down and kissed Komui on the lips, and it was everything a kiss should be. It was tender, careful, searching, giving. When he pulled away, he ran his thumb across Komui’s lips, smiled again, and nodded.

“You may, Komui. Let me hear that you love me.”

Komui took a deep breath.  It felt so hard to breathe, all of a sudden.

This beautiful man who owned Komui, who had mangled and twisted him beyond recognition.  Who loved him, comforted him, protected him.  Ruined his life.  Saved his life, and gave his Linali back to him.  This man was…

I’m sorry, Reever.  I’m weak.  Pathetic.

“I do…  I love you, Cross,” he murmured, painfully.

I’ll never be good enough for you.

“I love you too, Komui,” Cross murmured and found that, for completely different reasons, that he was hurting as well. He wasn’t sure he liked the feeling, wasn’t sure if he was okay with it. All he knew right then was that he needed to have it, if only this once. He wanted to have everything with Komui, and all those things they couldn’t really have, well… Pretending was enough. So much of Cross’s life was nothing but smoke and mirrors that it was nearly all the same to him.

“Tell me if I’m hurting you, all right?” he asked quietly, sliding a hand into one of Komui’s to bring it to his lips for a brief kiss. “Tonight is for you.”

Because tomorrow, I’m going to take it all away again. I want you to fall from the highest tower to the deepest depths.

Faintly, fleetingly, Komui smiled.

- – -

Cross woke early the next morning to leisurely flip through a list of hospital records he’d had Timcampy steal for him. He had already read through them once, but he was double-checking to make sure he had all the dates and times right. It was quite fortuitous that his… sudden illness had finally run its course by yesterday, as the Order would have had to find a new chef if Jerry’s meddling had cost Cross this golden opportunity.

An hour or so before it was time to begin, Cross disrobed to go shower, shedding his clothes rather carelessly as he made his way to the bathroom. He left the door open in case Komui awoke anytime soon, then turned the shower as hot as it would go. With a deep, contented sigh, he stepped into the near-scalding jet of water, letting it wash all of his tension away.

Today would be a good day.

When he stirred at last, Komui was confused for a moment, staring up at the ceiling over his head until he remembered exactly where he was.  It wasn’t often at all that he woke up in Cross’s bed — usually their encounters at Headquarters took place everywhere except zhu ren’s own bedroom.  Though that once, before zhu ren had left a few months ago…

He smiled dreamily up at the ceiling tiles for a moment.  Paused.

Then wanted to curl up and cry.

Where was Reever right now?  Where was–…

The shower was running in the bathroom, so he at least knew zhu ren’s whereabouts.  He leaned over on his side a little, watched wisps of steam float out of the open doorway.  Was it an invitation?  Or an order?

…Today would be the punishment.

He shivered a little.  Sat up on slightly fatigued limbs, groped around for his glasses with still-stiff hands.

There was… there was nothing he could do about it.  No matter how he agonized, zhu ren would get what he wanted.  Zhu ren always got what he wanted.  So there wasn’t any use in thinking about it, before the time came.

Komui sat there on the bed and stared at the bathroom door some more, and debated whether to go inside.

Before Komui could finish deliberating, however, the sound of water cut off and a few moments later Cross emerged wearing loose slacks, casually toweling dry his hair. Beads of water ran down his pale torso as he moved. When he caught sight of Komui, he lifted an eyebrow lazily in mild surprise. He did not seem disappointed or angry or really anything at all, except for perhaps very slightly startled.

“You’re up,” he observed before he turned away to find clothing. Something loose today, comfortable. He settled on a thin button-down shirt and slipped it on.

Komui swallowed a little, and nodded his acknowledgement as he gingerly slipped over the side of the bed to collect his fallen clothes.

“Good morning, zhu ren,” he murmured meekly.

He didn’t… quite know how to feel right now.  Last night zhu ren had been…  He’d…  It had made Komui think of a night he remembered, vaguely, a very long time ago.  Of a promise they…

Today, he was sure, would be very different.  But he wasn’t thinking about that.  He just—

He just hoped that…  that Reever was all right, whatever he was doing.

“Get dressed,” Cross instructed as he turned back toward the bathroom to finish getting ready. “We have to be at the infirmary today.”

The infirmary–?

Komui couldn’t profess to understand, but even if it had been his place to ask questions, which it really was not, he was a little too afraid to press the point.  He gave another nod of acknowledgement before sitting back down on the bed to pull his clothes on.

They departed immediately once he was finished, tangled hair and all; zhu ren seemed in no mood to wait.  The halls were a little too long for him still — after the second flight of stairs he’d had to stop and curl up on the bottom step and duck his head down a bit in hopes of not fainting on the spot — but zhu ren had simply walked over and scooped him up and carried him the rest of the way.

The pair arrived more or less on schedule, fashionably late if anything. Just outside the hospital wing, Cross stopped them and set Komui down, though he held an arm out for Komui to lean on. He summoned Maria, hid the both of them under her spell. Only then did he continue, leading them past the reception desk and over toward a storage closet half-hidden by a potted plant.

Cross stopped them again in front of it, held out his hand and made a rather theatrical gesture. Slowly the door swung toward them, as though blown open by a slow draft. Cross smiled as he gestured for Komui to enter.

Komui pursed his lips slightly.  As far as he knew, this was just a little walk-in storage room, full of nothing but cleaning supplies and the like…  but he supposed he could think of a few other things it could be used for…  Still, even so.  His eyes flicked confusedly to Cross’s face for just a moment before he moved his arm from atop the other man’s and turned to obediently walk inside.

Once they were both in, Cross pushed the door mostly closed, leaving the tiniest sliver of light to shine through the crack between wall and door. Safely hidden out of sight now, he murmured to Maria to drop her illusion and drew Komui into his arms, smiling wickedly to himself. He leaned close to Komui’s neck, nuzzled him, and began to work free the buttons of his shirt. Then Cross stopped, hearing the sound of footsteps approaching the reception desk. He brought his lips to Komui’s ear.

“The punishment begins now.”

Just then, the receptionist spoke.

“Oh, Miss Li! Welcome back. Have a seat anywhere. Your doctor will be with you shortly.”

Komui’s eyes shot wide open as his gaze turned on the cracked-open door.

“But– we– zh–”

His voice was a whisper, choking to a stop halfway through his master’s title — if Linali caught even the barest snatch of Chinese there would be no doubt in her mind who– they–

His heart was pounding very hard.

Zhu ren had never, never even once — Linali, he’d teased Komui with her but she’d been the object of their bargain, always off limits, always safe–

All it would take was for someone to notice the storage closet was open when it shouldn’t be and– And–

He sucked in a slightly shaking breath.  Zhu ren’s touch burned against his skin.

“Resist me,” Cross laughed softly into Komui’s ear. “Resist me now and she is safe from me, forever. But if she hears you, if she comes of her own accord… if you are unable to stop me, well.” He caressed Komui’s cheek with one hand, kissed him.

“…she’ll never be safe again.”

Bandaged arms were straining against Cross’s chest almost before the man’s lips had stopped moving.

Knowing it was no use, that all he was doing was providing fodder for the other man’s amusement, nevertheless Komui stared up at him with absolute horror and a desperate entreaty in his wide eyes, glistening wetly in the dim half-light of the claustrophobic little chamber.  He was no match for Cross at all to begin with, let alone weakened as he was, still healing from grievous injuries — and yet he wrapped a hand stiffly around his zhu ren’s wrist and tried to persuade the other man to move it, breathing ragged, barely thinking at all in the sheer panic of the moment.

If — If Linali found out, he–

Found out what he really was–

He–

He—-

“You’ll have to try harder than that,” Cross purred, wrapping his opposite hand around Komui’s wrist where it gripped his. He grinned as he squeezed the injured flesh a little. There really was no winning for Komui, and both of them knew it. There was no real escape, no real hope of keeping this from happening. It was all completely, utterly, and beautifully futile. Watching Komui strain against those bindings, those tightly wrapped chains, watching him squirm and thrash and pull at something that would never let him go, when he knew it and Cross knew it, watching him try desperately all the same… Really, it took Cross’s breath away.

And it made him, perhaps, a little bit jealous. That he could never inspire Komui to plead for him the way Komui begged for Reever’s sake. That he could never be someone Komui would sacrifice for as completely and as thoughtlessly as he would for Linali. Cross really was, when everything was said and done, absolutely nothing to Komui. Nothing, nothing at all. No one of real value, nothing like the people that Komui loved and held dear.

That was exactly why he could never let Komui go, would always have to make himself everything. Because otherwise, he would be nothing. Nothing at all.

Komui choked a little with sudden pain as Cross squeezed against the freshly-healed wound under the bandages.  He found himself pulled against Cross’s chest again as his strength momentarily faltered, and he shoved at the other man for a while longer with shoulders and elbows, gripped the dark jacket with a shaking arm — oh god it hurt–

The pain and the panic peaked to a crescendo and after a while he was tired and it hurt so much that tears were clouding his eyes and blurring his vision and he could barely see zhu ren in front of him; and then he sucked in a tiny silent breath and at last, at long last, far too soon, he stilled.

…God.

Please, God.  If you’re up there.

Not Linali.

“Is that all you can do?” Cross mocked, just loudly enough that the girl sitting not three yards from the cracked-open closet door glanced up from her magazine in puzzlement. She could have sworn there was a voice–

Linali stood, frowning a little with curiosity, and stepped forward to investigate.

“Is… is someone there?” she called quietly toward the closet. “Rabi, is that you?”

Komui went utterly rigid in Cross’s arms.

Everything else forgotten, he turned his head slowly to stare at the door in utter, abject horror; face white, body trembling faintly all over as her footsteps came closer.

His life was over.

It was a lie.  Everything he’d ever done since he was seventeen years old.  He had lived a lie all these years, for her.  Come to be one of the champions of this Order he didn’t believe in, pretending to be anything but the useless, worthless human being that he was, anything but Cross Marian’s personal whore.

It would have been better if he’d died.

“Miss Li, we’re ready for you now!”

A couple feet from the door, Linali turned away when her name was called, her momentary curiosity forgotten. She couldn’t hear any more sounds coming from the closet, anyway… It had probably just been her imagination, but nevertheless, she made a mental note to speak firmly with Rabi about his tendency to hide in strange places. Clearly it was finally getting to her.

“Coming!” she called as she walked off, leaving them to themselves again — which Cross thought was a true tragedy.

He would have to remedy it later.

Komui, meanwhile, let out a long shuddering breath; his body went limp against Cross’s as Linali’s footsteps turned away from their door.

Oh, god.  Oh god.  Oh god.

He couldn’t think.  He…

His sheer relief was tainted by the knowledge that if Cross had done this once, he would do it again.  And again after that.  And after that.

Or hell, maybe he’d just tell Linali flat out.

But– but she…  at least it hadn’t happened… today.

He whimpered a little against his zhu ren’s chest, knowing the other man must be… thrilled.

…This was, by far, the worst of all possible punishments.

The way Komui relaxed in Cross’s arms, the way he shuddered and whimpered and simply tried to catch his breath again, it all reminded Cross strongly of the end of a night of very good sex. In a way, the relief he had just offered Komui wasn’t all that different. Only, once he got to thinking about it, Cross couldn’t help but admit to himself that perhaps he enjoyed this just a little bit more. The thrill of it, seeing the mental exhaustion and relief and terror that brimmed over in the young man pressed against him, it was all very… enticing, to Cross. Which most likely made him an extremely twisted individual, but he already knew that. He grinned and reached down for the waistband of Komui’s pants as he brought his lips to the other’s neck and, with a soft, chilling laugh, whispered quietly against Komui’s skin.

“Don’t think that we’re done here yet, Komui.”

Komui swallowed a little.  Tried to think over the pain in his arms, acutely noticeable again all of a sudden now that the immediate crisis was past.  Shivered against Cross’s body once more, as warm lips pressed against his flesh.

He knew it had been too soon to be relieved.

“Please…  zhu ren…” he begged in a tiny, choked voice, not having the faintest idea what he was saying.  Nothing else would come.

“Please what, Komui?” Cross asked lightly as he unfastened Komui’s pants with very well-practiced ease. “You’ll have to be more specific than that. Please, Master, take me hard and fast right here in this storage closet and please, Master, I’m in pain and want to stop and please, Master, I’d rather do this in my sister’s bedroom are all very different requests, you see.”

And once those words were said–  For just a second Komui’s throat actually closed up. He just managed to stay upright, swaying forward to lean his forehead against zhu ren’s chest, breathing in irregular gasps and staring wide-eyed toward the floor.  Just the very thought in his head — the image of — of–  The two of them, and Linali’s, and she, and, oh god.

They’d do it.  Zhu ren would do it.  He was going to tell Linali everything, he was going to show her–  He…

Tears began to well up in Komui’s eyes in earnest then, trailing down his chin and plopping against zhu ren’s clothes.  He did nothing to stop them.  Just… laid there, and stared, and felt zhu ren’s hands on his body.

Cross paused at the sight, straightening. He took a moment to simply stand there and watch the breathtakingly beautiful, breathtakingly broken man in his arms weep. Then he leaned down and pressed a kiss against one damp cheek, tasted the bitterness of Komui’s tears. With a shiver passing down his spine, Cross wrapped his arms around Komui and held him close.

“I love you, Little Bird,” Cross murmured, stroking Komui’s hair with one hand. “I wish I could be sorry for your punishment today, but…” He laughed a little to himself, paused; shoved Komui away to pin him against the shelves and then returned to undressing him, voice cruel, holding black humor and irony if anything at all.

“I can’t.”

Komui said nothing in reply; but only laid his head back against the side of the shelf, and surrendered quietly.

- – -

Once they were done, Cross scooped Komui up into his arms and summoned Maria’s illusion again, then began the long walk back to his room. He found amusement even in this, in carrying an exhausted and half-undressed Komui through the halls where they could see everyone but no one could see them.

When they finally arrived back in Cross’s room, he laid Komui down on the bed and tucked him in, kissing him lightly on the brow. Cross let the poor thing alone for a while after that, occupying himself with the view from his balcony and a bottle of good wine. For a while, he even chatted idly with Maria, simply passing the time. He wanted to give Komui a good long rest.

Because he had decided the worst was yet to come.

Komui, for his part, simply lay there under Cross’s bedcovers and stared up at Cross’s ceiling for a while.  Here and there in his head might have floated a stray wish that Reever had never come looking for him that day a few weeks ago, but for the most part, his mind was an exhausted blank.  He didn’t even want to contemplate what might come next; and so he continued to simply lie there, gazed blankly at the ceiling tiles until his eyes didn’t want to stay open.  Before too long, his tired, faintly aching body had slipped into an uneasy sleep.

It was just before dusk when, finally, Cross set down his wine glass and stood. He dusted a few stray flecks of cigarette ash off his clothes and pulled his gloves back on, then let himself back into his room. Finding Komui still sleeping, Cross smiled fondly for just a moment before his expression went cold. He reached down to wrap a hand around Komui’s neck, then dug his fingers in. He had always wondered how beautifully Komui would wear bruises on that… previously flawless skin.

It was only moments before Komui awoke, eyes shooting open suddenly, staring wide-eyed up at Cross with his mouth working in choked-off gasps.  His gaze was terrified as he stared up at the other man, unable to articulate a protest with the force Cross was pressing against his throat; one hand reached out to scrabble at the other’s sleeve as pained tears began to well up again in the corners of his eyes.

“Did you sleep well?” Cross asked lightly, as though his hand was not wound around Komui’s neck, cutting off his air supply. He held on a moment longer, careful not to do any permanent damage because that would be a true pity, then transferred his grip to Komui’s hair, jerking Komui upright before he even had a chance to catch his breath.

“Aagh–”  His chest and his head and his everything screamed in protest and he could barely breathe–  Komui sucked in a gasp and coughed violently, shuddering as he tried to turn his gaze toward his zhu ren, cheeks wet again.

The punishment — wasn’t over.

All he could think about through the utter terror was how much he deserved this.

“Mm, you did?” Cross answered his own question in a rather conversational tone. “That’s good. You’ll need the strength.” He then grabbed the collar of the other’s shirt to bodily drag Komui off the bed, casting him roughly to the floor. Cross could feel his own heart racing, though some of it was excitement and another part of it was anxiety. He… wasn’t quite enjoying this as much as he’d thought he would, as much as he once had. Cross briefly closed his eyes, decided not to think about it. The strange feeling would pass. He knew it would, because no one cried or bled or hurt as prettily as his Komui, and nothing complemented Komui’s fair features quite like agony. Cross moved to stand over Komui with that thought in mind, watching him, studying the fear in his eyes and the pain.

“Get up, Komui. What are you doing down there?”

Komui was trembling still, abused muscles in his arms twitching faintly, body aching.  He wobbily got himself to all fours, then to one knee, then stood up slowly and shakily, eyes drifting between Cross and the floor.  His hair hung loose and mussed around his shoulders, a few soaked strands of his bangs sticking to his face with the tears.  His eyes were wide and terrified, barely comprehending…  and in another sense, resigned.

“I’m sorry, zhu ren,” he mumbled, casting his gaze downward.

“What was that, Komui?” Cross caught one of Komui’s wrists and jerked it forward, holding out the bandaged limb to shake in Komui’s face. “You’re sorry? Sorry is what you say when you’re late to dinner, Little Bird. Sorry is what you say when you bring me the wrong kind of tea. Look at what you’ve done, Komui.” Cross’s grip tightened, lips drawing into a thin line.

“You very nearly broke one of my most treasured things,” he whispered, voice low and grave. “It will take much more than ‘I’m sorry’.” Then he released Komui again, took a step back, and nodded to the floor.

“You can start by undressing. Then get on your hands and knees.”

Komui didn’t say a word in response, but only looked at Cross a moment longer, trembling, before he obediently began.  Slowly, excruciatingly, Komui pulled off his half-unbuttoned shirt; slid out of his undone pants, then his briefs.  He tossed them all haphazardly against the wall a few feet away before turning to kneel carefully; he squeezed his eyes shut with a bitten-back whimper of pain as he bent his hands to press against the floor, put weight against his arms.

“Now why don’t we try this again, Little Bird?” Cross asked as he bent down on one knee before Komui to grab the other’s chin, jerking Komui’s head up to make their gazes meet. “Apologize again. Mean it. Beg for my forgiveness.”

Komui’s arms were shaking.  He stared into Cross’s face wide-eyed, his gaze still wet, trying to think straight through the pain.  He could barely speak.

“Please– zhu ren..  I should never have–”  He stopped short with a pained little choke.  “D-damaged something of…  yours…  I don’t…  deserve it but please…”

He sucked in a long, shuddering breath.  It felt like his arms were going to give out at any moment.

“Please forgive me…”

“You’ll never hurt what is mine again, will you, Komui?” Cross demanded, watching Komui’s arms tremble. He knew that Komui was at his limit, putting so much weight on his injuries. A few more seconds, he bargained with himself. A few more seconds and they would move on.

“No–  Never–” Komui gasped out.  He hadn’t really meant to anyway, he just — just–  Oh god it hurt–

“Please–”

It came out in a tiny, high-pitched whimper through his tight throat, his arms wobbling unsteadily underneath him, gaze locked waveringly with his master’s.  All he could think of in that moment was the pain, the wish to make it stop, the need to obey.

With a quiet sigh, Cross stood again, gripped Komui by his upper arm, and pulled him to his feet.

“Does it hurt, Little Bird?” he asked in a soft murmur, petting the side of Komui’s face with one gloved finger.

“You see,” he continued with a little smile as he took Komui’s hands gently in his own, “it hasn’t even begun to hurt yet. I don’t really want to do this to you, but you’ve forced my hand. Do you understand, Komui? This is your own fault. You should never, ever hurt your beautiful body. It’s a privilege only I am allowed.”

“I’m sorry– zhu ren…”

Komui was shaking all over, his breathing irregular with suppressed sobs, gaze drifting unsteadily from Cross’s eyes down toward his chest.

“I know I was wrong…” he managed in a whimper, regretting his actions in that moment as acutely as he ever had, arms still throbbing in pain.  “I deserve to be punished.”

“That’s a good boy,” Cross crooned in response, leaning forward to kiss Komui lightly on the lips. “I’m glad you understand. Now. Where were we…? Ah.” Smiling, Cross stepped back and summoned Maria into the room; as she emerged from her casket, he beckoned her toward him, taking a moment to run his hands down her sides in appreciation.

“Maria,” he greeted her almost casually before gesturing to the room’s other occupant. “I’d like a nice illusion, as real as you can make it. Chain the boy to the wall for me, won’t you?”

Komui just looked at the woman; stood there and shook faintly and gazed a familiar tired gaze at her.  The only person in the world who was more a slave to Cross than he was.

He didn’t know whether to pity her or envy her anymore.

“Hello, Maria,” he greeted her, quietly and hoarsely, as he waited.

She drifted silently toward him, reached out and cupped his cheek.

‘Don’t die,’ her masked face seemed to tell him. ‘This is all there is when you die.’

Then she opened her mouth and sang her song, sheer force pushing Komui back against the wall, cuffs closing on his wrists to hold him fast. Chains wrapped around his arms, his waist, each of his ankles, the metal of them biting into his skin.  For an illusion, it felt very solid.

“That’s enough, Maria. You may go,” Cross dismissed as she finished. He let her vanish before he stepped forward to stand before Komui again.

It… it was all right, Komui thought.  Gave in utterly.

It was all right.  He’d made a horrible transgression.  He didn’t belong to himself — no matter what Reever said, and he’d hurt so many people.  Zhu ren only… loved him.  Wanted to help him remember his place.

Even though someone as powerless and worthless as Komui might as well not ever have been born, zhu ren was willing to help him. Guide him.  Lead him.  Punish him.

The pain jumbled his thoughts, but among the shrill strains of fear filling his skull there was a prickle of gratitude.

Reever would have told him that none of it was his fault… not in the past, not now.  But he didn’t have to play pretend like that with zhu ren.  They both knew better.

Zhu ren always knew better.

“Zhu ren,” he whispered quietly, hoarsely, meeting the man’s eyes with his own half-lidded ones, still glistening wetly; fear and despair, self-loathing and gratefulness mingling in his black, black gaze, half-hidden under the fall of tangled dark hair.

“I love you, Little Bird,” Cross murmured in response, because he wanted to. Because he felt it more in these moments, when Komui looked at him that way, so terrified but reverent, so full of hatred for himself, for everything, even for Cross. Cross knew he deserved to be hated, knew and was glad that he had found Komui to do it because Komui wore hate as beautifully as he wore anything else.

“And that’s why I have to do this, Komui. I know you’ll understand.” Upon those words leaving his lips, Cross called Timcampy over, stepping closer to cover Komui’s mouth with his hand.

“Shhh,” he instructed, smiling as he held up a finger to his own lips to illustrate. “Timcampy. Call Linali’s wireless golem for me.”

There was a single whimper from behind Cross’s hand.

Komui shook again, violently, as he stared between Cross and then Timcampy with utter dread for a few long, excruciating moments; and then he sucked in a deep shuddering breath and went limp against the illusory chains.

Just stared.  Trembled a little.  Cried silently.

Knew in that moment that he would rather have been like Maria, trapped forever and irrevocably, so at least he wouldn’t have to regret.  Have to wonder.  Have any hope left at all for Cross to break.

He could see it coming, now.

His life was over.

“Hello, Linali,” Cross was saying in the meanwhile. “Are you well?”

“General Cross? Oh! Um, I’m fine! Is there something you need…?”

“I’m hurt you ask that, Linali. Can’t I call a lovely girl for the sake of the conversation?” he teased lightly, hand still clamped over Komui’s mouth. He gave Komui a reassuring smile. “But you’re correct this time, I’m afraid. You see, it’s your brother…”

“Komui? What happened?” There was at once a note of panic in Linali’s voice.

“I’m not sure. Could you come to my quarters? You know where that is, right?”

“I’m on my way!” The golem’s call cut off then, and Cross removed his hand from Komui’s lips.

“There now. It should be a bit yet. She’s slower these days, you know?”

Komui’s only response was a quiet sob.

The part that hurt most was that, in his heart of hearts, he knew he deserved this, too.

But Linali…  Linali didn’t.

Oh, God.

Unconcerned, Cross leaned forward to suck on Komui’s neck and entertain himself for a little while, hands caressing Komui’s sides, hips, stomach. One hand reached back to fondle the other’s buttocks and it was there at Komui’s lower abdomen that he hesitated, taking a moment to ponder to himself. Sighing, Cross turned away and left for the bathroom, returning with a mid-sized towel which he tucked into the chain that was wrapped around Komui’s waist.

Witnessing a sibling naked could be potentially traumatizing, after all. Wouldn’t do to have Linali see that.

“There, is that better?” Cross asked almost cheerfully, kissing Komui’s jaw after he spoke, hand reaching underneath the towel.  The younger man only sucked in a gasping, unsteady breath.

A teardrop trickled down onto Cross’s lips.

It was nearly twenty minutes later before Linali finally arrived, out of breath and exhausted and most of all, worried. She knocked on the door unsteadily, trying to catch her breath.

“Come in!” Cross called out to her once he could bring himself to separate his lips from Komui’s neck. Komui had gained several more fresh bruises in the last few minutes, some of them forming up in the shape of Cross’s hands.

Linali opened the door to let herself in.  “General Cross, what–”

And then all words left her.

Her eyes went wide and her breath caught in her throat and all Linali could do was stare in complete mortification at a world that suddenly made no sense, at a scene that couldn’t possibly be reality.

“W-what are you doing?” she choked out in horror, a soft sob in her voice as she covered her mouth with her hands. She felt ill and she just– she–  she didn’t understand.

Komui swallowed.

…There.

The world was over.  His life was over.  It was done with.

The first thing he felt, absurdly, was relief that the waiting was over too.

He couldn’t… look her in the face.  If he looked at her and he saw her and she saw him and he–  He–  If they–

If she called his name and he…

oh, god.

If she…  if she was looking at him the way he deserved, just like a–

Breath coming fast, shaking all over, Komui flung his head to one side, dark hair falling down to hide his face.

He didn’t look at her.  He couldn’t look at her.

He was just…

god…  Linali…  I’m sorry.

“You mean he didn’t tell you?” Cross’s voice was mocking now, cruel, nothing like it had been before. “What an awful brother you are, Komui. All these years, and you’ve never told your sister about the contract you made to get yourself here to Headquarters?”

“The– the– the contract?” Linali echoed, without any true comprehension of what she was saying. “What are you– Wh…what is he talking about, ge ge? You… G-General, you’re hurting him, you– I–” Her head hurt. Spun, actually. Everything… everything was… so absurd. Her brother… wasn’t like this. He… The General, he… was kind to her, and… This couldn’t possibly be happening, because… everything… everything she had ever understood or known, every truth and everything she thought was real, everything she had built her life upon, it was all– all–

“Linali.”

Komui’s voice trembled as badly as the rest of him, quiet and low and breathless.  Somewhere behind the tangled black curtain obscuring his face, tears fell quietly to shatter into tiny droplets over the floor tiles.  Komui didn’t stop them.  It didn’t occur to him to try.

“I love you,” he whispered.

It was then that Linali came to the sudden and horrifying realization that it was all true. Everything she had never known, all of this, whatever this was — the three years after she’d been separated from Komui, the three years Cross had taken him away again. Reever’s drinking. She wanted to cry so badly that she was sure she would begin to laugh. How could she have been so blind? Always asking Komui to take care of her, never once opening her eyes to see how much it was costing him, never understanding, never even suspecting. And she should have. She should have been the first to know. She had always been so foolishly proud of being closest to him, after all, of knowing him best.

She barely knew him at all.

All she knew was that he loved her, and it was only now that she realized he loved her too much. Far, far too much. He bore all of her burdens for her, left her to be happy and flourish and have her silly little relationship with Crowley and worry about her stupid little problems like her Innocence and all the while, he– Linali choked a little, began to cry. Her legs gave out from under her and she began to break down and cry until she was gasping for air. It was like when she’d been little and Mommy had held her and turned to ashes, and the ashes got into Linali’s eyes and she couldn’t breathe and–

‘I love you, Li Li.’

“Let him go!” she sobbed angrily. “Stop hurting him and let him go!“

“I’m sorry, Linali,” Cross laughed in response, amused by her tears. Entertained, really. The sibling love ran so deep both ways. Idly, he wondered what he could get Linali to give up for Komui.

“Our bargain was his freedom, for you. Forever.”

The word echoed in Linali’s mind, and she looked up at her brother through her tears and realized this had all been going on right before her eyes for a very long time. Forever.

Komui had traded–

Forever.

For her.

The old scars on her wrists ached. A wave of vertigo hit her and she pressed a hand flat against the floor as she doubled over, trying to– to–

Forever.

The room slipped away from her.

Komui flinched at the sound of Linali’s limp body meeting the floor.

He breathed in slowly, still staring toward the ground.  There was a long moment of silence before he finally found the courage to look up at her face.

Thankfully, her eyes were closed.  She was… white.  Pained-looking.  Suffering.  Because of Komui.  Because– because he–

She was suffering because he loved her, when you got right down to it.

Quietly, shakily — more than a little hysterically — for just a bare moment, Komui laughed.

The laugh caught Cross by surprise and he cast Komui an evaluating look, then decided that he approved of this development. He then silenced Komui with a kiss, clamping his hands down over the younger man’s wrists. In the same moment, he gave Maria a mental order and the illusion of chains fell away, leaving Komui to collapse into his arms. He carried Komui back to the bed, set him gently down, and crawled atop him to pick up right where they’d left off with bruising kisses and complete disregard of the other’s wounds. Cross even managed to tear open part of a healing cut on Komui’s chest, and paused then to spend a full minute admiring the blood blossoming against the white of the bandages.

“I own it all now, you know,” Cross whispered into the other’s ear. “Everything you have ever had, everything you ever will. Everyone you love, everyone who loves you. I have it all. And I have all of you.”

The stabbing pain of Komui’s reopened wound felt rather like it belonged to someone else.

For a moment, he just looked up at Cross, a few stray tears still running down his cheeks, eyes blank.  Then his lips curled upward a little.

He glanced away, tilted his head slightly to one side and laughed another breathy, faint, despairing laugh.

He’d been wrong.  It hadn’t been a mistake at all.

It would have been better if he’d died.  Or had never been born to begin with.  On balance everyone would have been better off without him, and–

He would never have had to feel like this.

Cross left him some time later, seeing Komui’s chest freshly bandaged again before ordering him to get some rest. Cross told him that he would find Komui when he wanted him again, that he would be back in a few days at the most — and not to do anything rash or stupid.

“Because if you kill yourself, Komui,” Cross crooned into his ear sweetly, softly, “or if you finally damage yourself beyond repair, the punishment will be much worse. Have a chat with Maria if you’d like.” He smiled his broad, self-assured smile then, cupping Komui’s cheek.

“And if you think to yourself, ‘how could this possibly get any worse?’, Komui… and I know you are–” and he paused with a soft laugh–

“Never doubt my creativity.”

With that, he was gone, his Exorcist coat slung over one shoulder. He stepped over Linali’s prone body as he walked out the door.

For a long while afterward, Komui couldn’t seem to manage to do anything save lie there and stare at the ceiling.

Eventually he registered that he didn’t hurt as badly anymore.  He propped himself up a little with one elbow to glance sluggishly down at his chest; the red patch just underneath his ribcage was relatively small, and didn’t seem to be growing.

…Linali was on the floor.

He shot straight up at that, made himself dizzy and had to lie back down again for a moment until the feeling passed.  Then, slowly this time, he sat up once more.  Stared blankly toward the spot on the floor where his sister was curled up.

….he should probably…  do something.

He rose unsteadily after a few more moments.  Walked over to Linali’s place on the floor, crouched down next to her; simply looked at her.  There was a dull prickle in the back of his mind, something that might vaguely have resembled fear, or apprehension.  He…

He probably shouldn’t touch her.  He’d stain somehow.

That was it.

But she…  it must hurt, to be lying there on the cold hard tile floor.

He…  he should…

Linali should always be… happy.

Gingerly, he reached out, dully aching arms sliding underneath her.

Linali groaned quietly as she was moved, eyelids fluttering for a few moments before they finally came open, almost as though she was fighting consciousness. A quiet whimper of pain left her lips.

“…ge ge?” she breathed out, still a little disoriented, still a little not-there. She didn’t want to remember.

“L–”

His breath caught in his throat, and Komui snatched his hands away abruptly, shifting backward.  He curled his aching arms around his chest, pulled his legs up against him.  Stared at her, trembling.

He wanted to run away.

Linali winced a little as she fell back onto the floor, arms slipping from beneath her because she hadn’t expected Komui to let her go. She sat up again, slowly, and looked back over at her brother.

She couldn’t figure out why he was so–

And then Cross’s voice was whispering into her ear again, whispering that Komui was his and had always been his and would always be his. Forever.

A quiet little whimper left her lips and she stopped, wanting to reach out but unable but– Oh, her heart.

“Ge ge,” she whispered again, her expression utterly stricken. “Why did you never–” And then she stopped, shook her head. There were tears in her eyes.

“…you’re hurt, ge ge. Tell me where, okay? I’ll… I’ll kiss it better and… and if that doesn’t work, well, that’s what doctors are for. Little sisters are only for kisses,” she choked out, wiping at her tears. “I love you, ge ge.”

Because now wasn’t the time. Because really, it wasn’t so bad. Because they were good at this, the both of them. They were good at making the best out of absolutely nothing. They were used to having everything taken away again and again and again until all they had left was each other. That had always been enough. Why couldn’t it be enough now?

Linali didn’t know where they would go from here, didn’t know what she would do tomorrow or think or anything. But right now, right now, she knew she had to make Komui stop hurting. It was as simple as that.

Komui, for his part, hadn’t made any plans for after the world ended.

Possibly this was why, for a moment, he couldn’t even comprehend what Linali had just said.  Couldn’t make it make sense in his head; couldn’t be sure it was reality.  He stared at her, shaking faintly still, for several seconds longer.

Then his eyes widened slightly.  Mouth inched open a little, slowly, as though to speak.

“You… do?” he asked, in a very small voice.

Still?

That… didn’t seem right.  After seeing everything he really was, all the ways he’d been lying to her all this time, all the ways he was nothing but a–

He was sure it was supposed to be…

Different than this.

“Of course, ge ge,” Linali answered without hesitation, smiling even through her tears. She couldn’t hold it long, couldn’t bite back a quiet sob at the idea that Komui even had to ask, at all the damage Cross had done to him… but it was there, for a little while. “More than anything.”

There was an expression of faint amazement on Komui’s face as his gaze drifted downward.

Even now.

Even knowing… everything, everything important, even now she…

Oh.

Linali…

My Linali.

He should have known it would be this way, and yet…  Perhaps he’d simply been unable to imagine her finding him anything less than just as disgusting as he found himself.

“…I love you too, Li Li,” he somehow managed to say back, a tiny crooked smile twisting across his face, looking down toward the floor.

Finally, Linali could move again. She leaned forward to hug him as tightly as she could without worrying about hurting him, burying her face against his shoulder.

“I’ll always love you, ge ge,” she whispered. “And I’m sorry. For everything, for… always being such a burden. For never being grateful enough. I… just… everything, ge ge.” She squeezed her eyes shut, wishing she could somehow take the last fifteen years back. Start over.

“You’ll always have me. You know that, right? Always.”

Komui hated crying in front of Linali, but he couldn’t seem to help it.

He leaned forward a little and rested the side of his face against her hair; swallowed; blinked tears down onto her dark locks silently until he could get ahold of himself.  One hand stretched out slowly, stiffly, to rest against her waist.  That was about as much as he could manage.

“I…”

His voice didn’t seem to want to work right now.  His brain, for that matter.  The words that came out of his mouth were the first that drifted, after a long moment, into his head.

“You’re not a burden,” he whispered, hoarsely.  “You’re what makes life worth living.”

“…I live for you too, ge ge,” Linali whispered back, sounding as elated as she did sad. “You’re all I need to want to get up in the morning. You’re all I need to keep smiling, to be okay. I just… I just wish we didn’t have to hurt like this to be happy. It’s… what do you call that, ge ge? A paradox, right?”

“…A catch-22, maybe,” Komui murmured against her hair.  Laughed a small, shaky little laugh; tried to keep himself together.

Seeing that he was exhausted and hurting, Linali stood and went to pull a sheet off Cross’s bed, holding it out for her brother. She didn’t want to be in this awful room any longer, now or ever again. Luckily (or unluckily) the quarters of higher-ranked officers were grouped together, which meant that Komui’s suite wasn’t so far away. She hoped her brother could walk that far. If not, well, she’d go get him a wheelchair if she had to.

“Will you come with me, ge ge? I want to hear a bedtime story.”

Komui’s room would be empty, she knew. After all, Reever had gone back to his own room and stayed inside since General Cross had returned.

God, how had she not seen it before?

Komui accepted the sheet, wrapping it around himself before he rose, a little unsteady, to his feet; and then he smiled shakily at her.

“…Which one?”

“The one about the man who lost his horse,” Linali requested without pause for thought, as she had already decided before even asking. “Our story.”

With a little uncertain smile of her own, she held out her arm for Komui to lean on, and together they headed out the door.